No Poker Night

Can you think of anything sadder than walking into poker night late and seeing a table of chips and cards still in the neat little stacks? :( Nobody showed up! How lame is that?! Poor Josh was so looking forward to it. He's gotten so into it. He even bought new casino style poker chips. They weren't here yet, but still. meh. I mean, it's one thing if people were like "I can't make it tonight", but people SAID they were coming, and then they didn't come. And then no one would answer their cell phones! What's the point if you can't get in touch with people? We thought maybe they were all at some party we weren't invited to or something. Lame. very lame.

But Ananda called me! I told her I'd call back in an hour, cuz I didn't want to use up my cell minutes, and at that point I still had hope for people showing up to play... But Josh, Tiffany and Ben started playing Virtual Fighter 4, and it was about time, so I went home and had a fabu conversation. And I had a message from Erin too! I guess Ananda tried to call her, but E's mom didn't know which of us it was. I didn't call back, cuz by that time it was 11 for E, but I was planning on calling her tomorrow night, so it won't be too long.

G found this really pretty ring in the free offers from his credit card. I think he was kind of thinking (hoping?) it could go for an engagement ring, and I know diamonds are expensive and all and I don't need a big one or anything, I prefer small, delicate jewelry actually. But I felt a little like "Is that all I'm worth to you?" Which made him feel awful, that I could think that. And then I saw the actual picture of it, and it IS really pretty, amethyst and crystals set in silver - really ME you know? So then I felt bad, even though it was an offer and everything, it really did seem perfect for me, and he really liked it too. oi vey! So now I'm all a muddle. I'm really touched and flattered that he thought of it for me, and the fact that he's thinking of rings at all is heart fluttering, but is it bad of me to put a price on it? Am I too traditionalist by wanting a diamond? Maybe it doesn't matter so much as the thought that counts? And then there was the question of the jyotish ring - I'm supposed to have pearl set in silver, but can/do I want jyotish and engagement to be the same? If I'm supposed to wear a pearl on my ring finger, would it be bad to have a diamond there? And I don't want him to feel pinched, but marriage is a big committment, and the ring is the symbol of it, so part of me feels like a little more ought to go into the ring bit... And should I get him something in return? I think Katja bought Carleton a cooking pot.... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Welcome to the things that go on in a girl's mind.
What a fragile, complicated and messy subject getting married is... The conversation, when it turns serious, gets both of us a little nervous. Which makes me think we aren't quite ready yet. For me it's more the nervous that comes with change - like going off to college or something. Parts of it are wonderful, and parts are hard, and scary. And you don't know quite all of what's going to happen, and you wonder if it's all your choice or if someone else (or was it society?) that talked you into it at some point. But he thanked me for being nervous, because he was too. And somehow knowing that we were feeling the same way was comforting. There is just something at the core of it all that feels so right and easy to be with him. A part of me that utterly relaxes. But I don't feel like there is any real rush to the actual marriage commitment. That's huge, and we have plenty of time, and lots of things to do first I think..... Although I see other friends who just went ahead with the marriage, and now they are doing their things, and it seems to be working, so I guess different things work for different people, and that's cool. I don't think I would mind an engagement though, it's another step, and it puts a arrow down "We're going in this direction" without actually having to go there quite yet. Like I said, we both have a lot to do, and I also want my friends to be able to come, so they need enough time to plan and save up for it... I think it's safe to say, no wedding for me in 2004. I think I'd want it to be in the spring/early summer, and we've already got 2 in '04! Very looking forward to, by the way. yeah, no rush. but it's nice to think about it in a far off sort of way.

So I might have this very POS car of Jeffrey's to drive to and from my various jobs. It hasn't been driven in months and months, so the battery is all run down. Dad brought out a charger for it and I thought maybe I'd be able to drive it away after work, but no such luck. I left it for overnight, and I hope it works for tomorrow. But it has all this crazy stuff, like you can only drive it in 3, and maybe you can't reverse? bleah. Oh, and it has these awful bumperstickers on the back, I think one of them says "You say I'm a bitch like that's a bad thing" I guess it used to be Elsa's car. I just hate that people will think I'm the one who has those sentiments.... It'll get me back and forth in town though, and it's free for now. As long as it starts tomorrow...