What was I thinking?

Heh

That's actually a country song I've heard a couple of times on the radio on long drives. I think I've confessed to this before - what seems like resorting to a country station for lack of music elsewhere while in the car actually turns out to be an enjoyable chunk of time listening to fun stories... So there's one about a guy who takes a girl out for an evening, but her dad has a shotgun, and they keep getting into trouble from him and various people the whole night. Oh heck, here it is:

What Was I Thinking
By Dierks Bentley

Becky was a beauty from South Alabama
Her Daddy had a heart like a nine pound hammer
Think He even did a little time in the slammer
What was I thinking?
She snuck out one night and met me by the front gate
Her daddy came out waving that twelve gauge
We tore out the drive, he peppered my tailgate
What was I thinking?

Oh I knew there'd be Hell to pay,
But that crossed my mind a little too late!

Chorus
Cuz' I was thinking 'bout a little white tank top sitting right there in the middle by me
I was thinking about a long kiss, man just gotta get goin' where the night might lead
Well I know what I was feeling But What was I thinking?
But What was I thinking?

What was I thinking?

By the county line the cops were nipping on our heels
Pulled off the road kicked it to 4 wheel
Shut off the lights, tore through a corn field
What was I thinking?
Out the other side she was hollerin' "Faster!"
Took the third road had the radio blastin'
Hit the Honky Tonk for a little close dancin'
What was I thinking?

Oh I knew there'd be Hell to pay,
But that crossed my mind a little too late!

Chorus
Cuz' I was thinking 'bout a little white tank top sitting right there in the middle by me
I was thinking about a long kiss, man just gotta get goin' where the night might lead
Well I know what I was feeling But What was I thinking?
But What was I thinking?

What was I thinking?

When a mountain of a man with a "Born to Kill" tattoo
tried to cut in I knocked out his front tooth
Ran outside hood sliding like Bo Duke
What was I thinking?
I finally got her home at half past too late
Her daddy's in a lawn chair sittin' in the driveway
Put it in park as he started my way,
What was I thinking?

Oh What was I thinking?
Oh What was I thinking?

And she gave a come and get me grin,
And like a bullet we were gone again!

Chorus
Cuz' I was thinking 'bout a little white tank top sitting right there in the middle by me
I was thinking about a long kiss, man just gotta get goin' where the night might lead
Well I know what I was feeling But What was I thinking?
But What was I thinking?

What was I thinking?

What was I thinking?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The point of all THAT being: the end of the chorus starts running through my head when I think about auditioning for the Odd Couple. Kevin wrote to our improv group mentioning that there were auditions on Sunday at 3.... le sigh. I already have all this stuff going on, super busy-ness. But I haven't acted in a play in super long. I don't know how they are doing it or the play or the parts or anything... I wouldn't want to do it for a 'chorus' type part. But do I have time to do a play? I've never done anything with FACT before, what's the schedule like? Could I do improv at the same time? Is improv going to keep going or is everyone too busy? Or would Mikado be finishing right as I'd be starting? etc, etc... AHHHHHH! I can always go audition, and then deal with the scheduling if necessary. Who's to say I'd get a part anyways? And then there's Al saying he's coming out of some Jyotish period so maybe he'll direct something again, and I know he likes me. Just has to be a part right for me. Geez I haven't done a show in forever. I mean, Our Town, right. but that was so minimal... I haven't stretched out. But was it the actual acting that turned me on? Or the people I got to hang out with in High School. That was so trippy, watching the Mikado and realizing that back then was my first show I was on stage, and when I started hanging out with Anne, Alexis and Sarah. Whoa. I wonder who else remembers. When they start doing all the plays you and your friends were in in High School does that mean you're getting old?

Last night Jan told me my hair was looking pretty and long, and Sasha told me it was looking good after yoga today. Cool. Go figure, I didn't do anything particular to it!

Yoga was awesome. I really need to get there on time. I really need to go at least once a week. It's SOOOOOO good for me, and Sue ALWAYS says something really good for me to hear. Because it's true, how you are in the poses is how you are in life. and I had a double realization in one - one part weeping with joy at my humanity, one part so sad at how bad I've been to my body lately.

Gilberto offered me this challenge a couple days ago of losing 50lbs in time for our wedding.

That's kind of huge, in several ways. First off, I don't know when our wedding IS exactly. We keep talking about spending our lives together and asking if we want to get married, but we've never declared ourselves engaged, ring or no ring. I don't know why the ring part is so important to me, and I don't know how on earth he'd afford something like that anyway..... so all sorts of guilt/romantic/practical/deservability complexes swirling around that. Not to mention he said he'd really like to have his Jyotish ruby as an exchange. Still not sure about having engagement ring and Jyotish ring being the same for me. But then HONESTLY - do either one of us have the money right now to spend on a bit of something shiny when the same amount of money could get us a couple of months rent, of plane tickets or pay off a big chunk of loan/credit card? It just seems freakin crazy. And somehow I feel that I won't be official till then... I just don't know... And as far as dates go - he's talked about next fall... MY Jyotish has it to wait till 26, but who knows what's the best time for the two of us. His friend who reads charts is taking finals to be a doctor, so he's really busy, and if he doesn't pass he may not be in the mood... Not that we have to go by that, but it seems like it'd be nice to know...
Then comes the whole actual losing of the weight issue. It's very tempting to fly off the handle at such a request, but I think he really asked me out of knowing how un-happy I am with my appearance than with him not liking it. When we first met I was about the same as I am now... It just really tears me up not to be able to wear my clothes! And it scares me too. It just takes SO much work, and SO long. Even to get down to where I got to last time was hard, so to get there again and go past it? Plus I'm really scared of working hard and not getting anywhere, or not getting to the goal. but what else can I do? I'm miserable like this. and the physical memory of how good I felt is still fairly fresh. I wish I had the guts and willpower to do a liver cleanse. I think it'd be really, really good for me. All signs keep pointing to it. But it scares me to think of even going a day without eating anything substantial, let alone several. I'm still riding on the excuse that living at home with too many choices is sabotaging me, and if I had my own place I could control it. It'd be easier sure, but come on, really. I keep thinking there will be that one discovery of emotional blockage that I could get rid of and then the weight would just come off on it's own because I'd automatically stop doing the things that are bad for me.... Oh yeah, integrity. Gotta get me some of that.