grounding is good

k wrote:
heather, thanks for your great ideas! and you were gonna write more in depth about something else?
(the ideas she is referring to are the ones I had for all of us to take a roll of film of our everyday stuff, like room and house and town, plus do a scrapbook page to bring to the wedding.)

poof. I seem to have so many different things happening these days, I can't remember what it was at the moment! Oh wait, here's the draft I started:
Hello my lovely loves!

I've just come back from my women's group, and feeling very nice and inspired and grounded and feminine! Gotten to check in with quite a few of you in the past week or so either by phone or in person (yay Soma!) and it has been very nice. Thanks for all your support and listening and advice!

I'm really having this interesting pull between wanting independence and wanting to really honor and lean on my family for support. I think when my parents split up I really got this idea of having to do EVERYTHING for myself, at the same time the desire and cry for family led to a lot of subconscious ways of asking for help and attention. And while I really wanted help, I didn't trust them to be there for me, so I think I set up a lot of little tests to see if they would really come through... And of course with an agenda, I kept track of the times they didn't and overlooked the times that they did. (this is more of an impression I am having at the moment than anything concrete...) We aren't a "normal" family, and we haven't been for years. But we ARE a family, and a pretty damn cool one actually at that, although we may need a little more practice at communicating our needs clearly and openly. But then comes this question of independence and responsibility. It would be nice if we had a more tribelike culture.

That was as far as I got, so going on from there:

Being in this womens group is REALLY good for me. Getting the chance to speak and be heard, and doing little grounding rituals on a weekly basis is SO healthy, simple and effective!

I really recommend, if you haven't read it, a book called Circle of Stones by Judith Duerk. (did mention this already?) we use it for readings in our circles, but I got myself a copy and read it cover to cover.

I'm learning lots of big new things about myself, most recently things are uncovering themselves about my relationship to money and finances and realizing that there is a big huge darkness there - both ignorance and fear compounding each other. I'm lucky enough to have a mom who is brilliant with accounting and willing to teach me, if I am willing to be an adult about learning.


I think this will be a BIG key in my steps towards independence and taking control of my own life instead of giving up that control or forcing it on to others. I've done a lot of work on relating and listening and taking care of emotional needs. Not that that part of me will ever stop needing attention, but I actually have it down pretty well, I know what needs to be done and where I can go if I can't do things myself, and my subconscious is pretty good and getting my attention when I can't. But this nuts and bolts money stuff is new for me. So I'm looking forward to finding out more about it, even though it scares me. It's good to know about this stuff, even if I end up hiring people to do it for me in the future, I won't feel like I am being taken advantage of because they think I'm stupid and they can get away with it. That sort of thing.

And what this is all moving towards I hope is really actually getting myself an apartment, and/or at least knowing when I could realistically think about it. Because for me personally there are so many issues coming up right now that seem like they could be solved by having my own space, not to mention I would like to get something of a feel for what it would be like to share my space with G. I don't foresee anything big or bad coming up that we couldn't handle, but knowing how I prefer to ease into transitions, it seems like a good first step for me/us.

I'm having fun taking pictures around town! there may be a few bits of Fairfield you don't recognize. oh geez... I should probably do a campus run. Take pictures of the holes in the ground. ;)

LOVE,
H