Sprained again!!!!

(yup, another letter to the girls!)

Oh my girlies! What's happening to me? I just sprained my left ankle very badly last night. G and I were taking a walk past a house that has an apartment in it, and right when we got to the house, the sidewalk turned to lumpy brick and I came down HARD on my ankle... Luckily we were just 2 blocks away from my dad's, and just as we got there he turned on the light in the living room for just a minute (I imagine to get something before bed) and then turned it out again, so I knew he was still awake. He took us back to our cars, and I iced it when I got home and put some homeopathic creme on it.... but it woke me up at about 6:30 in the morning because it was hurting. I didn't want to take anything for it especially because I was supposed to take a blood test this morning, and I was supposed to do a 12 hr fast before, so I didn't want painkillers to mess with the results. (yay for sleeping through most of the fast :D ) And I didn't want to put the test off because I HAD fasted, AND it's only once a month that this test is offered for just $5... :P
So my dad came over in the morning at about 8:30 and drove me to the hospital, rented me a pair of crutches and off to the lab I swing. Even after resting a while, and drinking some juice and eating part of a powerbar thingy I still felt a bit woozy, but REALLY wanted to be home to rest rather than in a hospital. (I'm soooo sensitive to hospital vibes). So I asked my dad if he thought they would let me have a wheelchair out to the car. And they did! Jennie's mom works in the hospital gift shop, and she came out looking very concerned, so I had to quickly explain the situation...

Then at 10:30 I had a chiropractors appointment, where we discovered from my file that exactly 3 years ago to the day I sprained my ankle and went in to get work on it!!! creepy! He did some good things, a couple painful things, but afterwards my ankle now feels more like it's just really wiped out, rather than screaming in pain.... He gave me a bottle of anti inflamatory enzymes and I have to take 15 a day, as far away from eating as possible so that they work on my ankle and not on my food. I've been icing it too, and taking and applying Amazon herbs... I've been through this before, but this seems to be a bit worse. ugh. I've been doing a bit of Reiki, which seems to be helping too.

AND I also have to go up to Iowa City tonight to the Free Clinic to get more tests... Might as well get them all over with at once I guess, but NO FUN! My mom and brother are going to drive me up.

I should probably back up a bit and explain, I'm not sure how much I've told people... I've been really depressed lately, and tired, and I think both of those kind of feed each other. Plus I've pretty much gained back all the weight I lost on Weight Watchers. I think it's largely a career/soul-dying type of thing, but along with that probably some hormone imbalance, which is why the doctor at the Raj wants me to take these tests, so she can be sure and then prescribe more stuff. A lot of it is pretty much classic Kapha depression/inertia. (who me? kapha?)

She also wants me to go to counseling, and start taking a dance class and getting more exercise. Which is grrrr, because of my ankle now, I'm not sure when I'll be able to get back on it. But like hearing that stuff made me MORE sad for a few days, like "oh, it's official, I'm depressed" and I started recognizing things I've been stuffing about work, etc on top of the regular "what do I do/am I doing with my life?" stuff. The big me knows I'll get through this, but my heart is sooo sad right now.

It's not all bad. Stacey, the director of ArtLife praises and validates me all the time, even when some of the stuff I did on the new brochure was wrong because I've always worked with 4-color printing and this was one color. We just fixed it and she was really pleased with the end result. I guess since this job is more for cultural enrichment she has more room to let things flow by that don't go right, whereas my dad's livelihood and future is riding on the stuff we do at his office. (Note to self: avoid that kind of too much pressure in the future!)

Gilberto is sweet and supportive as ever. I feel just awful sometimes, he gets really lost as to what to do to cheer me up and make me happy. I tell him it's not his job to MAKE me happy, and I AM happy to be with him, my heart just feels so good, and he loves me warts and all. While at the moment it happens I don't always like it, I'm so greatful that he often seems able to just start laughing at me when I am at my most distraught, because he can see the bigger picture outside the temper tantrum. Sometimes I manage to hook him in though, which isn't fun, but we always manage to work through that too. We took a great walk the night after the full moon when it was still really big. yum. And we had a good talk where we said "ok, we're engaged." but I probably still won't share much with my extended family until we have a more socially acceptable symbol like a ring. I have a feeling the grandparents are going to have a little tiny itch at the fact he's not the boy next door, but from the next continent...

I joined a really wonderful little women's group. We meet once a week and talk and listen, and some Native American rituals are incorporated. I wished it could be with people a bit more my age, but actually at least a couple women are more in their 30's than 50's, which helps, and we're all women really, no matter the age. Everyone is so brave and beautiful and it's so calming and grounding to be there. I wish it was more often!

Matt McLeod (for those of you who remember him) started an open mic at Cafe Paradiso every Wednesday night, and I've been going whenever I can to just watch the past few weeks. But last night I actually played a few songs, which felt really good. Nothing new, but good to just do, and my voice sounded good to me, and I got a LOT of positive feedback afterwards! so I hope that will stir up some creative drive for me. I invited my friend Kevin to come, and when he got there it hadn't quite started yet and not many people were there, so there were plenty of slots open. I told him he could borrow my guitar if he wanted, or if he wasn't ready for that I had a book of Hafiz poems in my backpack and he should just pick a few and read them. He's an English teacher/volunteer drama coach at FHS, Collin's favorite teacher and also in my improv group. He grew up in Iowa and did the same drama competitions I did in HS. We probably even performed some of the same years! I introduced him to Hafiz a little while ago and he's thinking of using some of the poems in the next drama competition. So knowing he was familiar with improvising, poetry, and Hafiz I thought it was a good offer, and he took me up on it and did a great job. yay. It's good to have a performing/concert buddy too. G is utterly supportive, but he's a scientist . Probably part of why we work so well.
So yeah. It was kind of a bummer to have this whole ankle thing happen when I felt like I was taking some big steps in the right direction.... I remember having a very clear feeling of "This spraining my ankle in front of this house is NOT an indication that I shouldn't rent here, it means something else." I don't know what exactly, but yeah. Something else for sure. Any ideas?

LOVE YOU!
H