I just saw Who Killed the Electric Car? and I'm really upset. Upset I never knew about the cars in the first place, upset the program was killed, upset at big business and selfish government. Upset at people who are motivated by nothing more than money and the fact that I seem to know a quite a few of them personally. Confused that they seem to be otherwise nice people. Upset at how many people don't believe that they matter, and don't realize how deeply and profoundly their choices and actions DO affect the people and the world around them. Wondering where MY blind spots are, and what I could be doing more/better. Puzzling over what seems to me a profound disconnect of being a miserable depressed heap of tears and crankiness so often on my own/at home, and yet being a cheerleader for other people around me, and being able to see how it's REALLY not that bad, and knowing all the things that could help them, that have helped me in the past... Where are those tools when I need them?
Grrr. Not feeling much hope for the world in general. I mean, great you made a movie about this solution that we could already be taking advantage of, but how many "new" people are going to watch it? Or is it all just preaching to the choir?
And I circle back again to feeling powerless. I see these things, I learn these things, I know these things, I feel these things. And yet I feel like I'm missing the step where I can transfer that understanding into logic that anyone would understand. Because I feel like these issues and ideas are just commonsense basics of life and that if people were just educated, how could they not agree? But they don't believe/trust/respect passionate emotions. And they have all these weird little factoid logic defenses that I can't compete with. How can I make a difference if people don't want to understand? If they are so selfish and defensive?
And then, who am I to think that MY point of view is the right one? How do I know that my beliefs aren't crazy, irrational or zealous?
2 comments:
it's always frustrating to discover how many people think totally differently from you about things you've always taken for granted, and how they feel totally justified in those views as much as you do in yours. it seems like we're always re-learning that in greater layers as we get older. so many beliefs are inherited or soaked up and never really questioned. and others can be backed up by logic and philosophy (of varying quality.)
at blackstone i've had to read books full of stuff that i strongly disagreee with. some have surpised me with their intelligent reasoning; others are full of hot air, but they don't know it or don't care because they think they are protecting important human values. i honestly couldn't say which is more disturbing. the first time i got a smart one it threw me off balance because i felt like i had missed something...like it had never occurred to me that someone with intellectual and contemporary understanding could hold and defend such beliefs. but at least when the argument was laid out for me i could examine it and find where it didn't hold up, learning more about my own beliefs in the process, which was ultimately empowering. the hot air pisses me off with it's simplistic judgements, but at the same time i sense the passion of the authors's feelings, their fear of what's important to them in the culture being lost, and it humanizes the other side. still, there are plenty on that side who don't write books because their motives *are* selfish (another upsetting but revealing documentary: The Corporation).
i didn't really develop the skills to sift through arguments until college. before that, i was this totally subjective creature, all artsy passion and new agey faith. i felt like i just knew things that i couldn't explain. then my faith got damaged, and when i found it again i knew i would have to form a new relationship with it and with my sensitive feelings in order to protect them in the world and be mobile in it as myself. so i started sharpening the intellectual tools and using them to defend what i felt. naturally some of my thinking changed in the process, as you learn to question yourself better, but generally i found that there were good reasons at bottom for what i wanted to believe, and that gave me self-trust. i may not carry around in my head all the time all the arguments that defend the way i want to see the world, but i know that i *could* formulate them if i had to, and that's very strengthening.
once you're out of college though, it's hard to keep up with the debates (and there are so many debates). our democracy may be based on the concept of free thinking, but our economy is based on our not doing so, so the culture doesn't exactly engage us intellectually. at least around election times it's a little easier to find out about what's going on in the world and get a gist of the arguments, not to mention having a direct way to make your opinion heard. best yet, perhaps, is the sense that there are others out there focusing on the same important things. our political power may be limited, as the last two elections have shown, but battles are being won on the level of spreading awareness. look at how many conscious documentaries have come out (in theatres no less) in the past few years, and the political blogging phenomenon, and the great success of smart political humorists like john stewart and stephen colbert--all helped by the controversies of the bush administration. for me, even if i can't research and argue every issue myself, it helps to know that others are, and that more people are listening. when i listen in on npr or free speech radio, or watch a documentary, or read a bit of the new yorker or something, i not only get to stoke my own thinking fires, i get the vicarious pleasure of seeing a point well argued ("for" me as it were) and the sense that my attention is participating in a collective field. it makes me feel less helpless and alone in holding down my corner. and, i have to say that good political humor is an excellent outlet for all those feelings of frustration about making a point heard (yay john stewart.)
Thanks lovely! You've lifted my hope! That and something Stacy said about how even if people don't see the movies, they generate buzz just by being out there, and same stuff with John Stewart, so I guess it's chipping away at things.
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