grumbly cold

I hate how the cold gets into my feet and takes so so long to get out. Really wears me down. And my slippers never seem to be where I can find them easily.

Saw Beauty and the Beast today. Love the Disney movie to bits, one of, if not the favorite movie of all time of mine, and the play doesn't vary very much from the Disney movie, though they added several songs. Diana IS Belle, so adorable and spunky. And nearly all of the children in the audience thought she was Belle too. It was amazing and adorable to hear them call out "There's Belle!" and then after the show they approached her with such awe. Some were so shy they turned their faces into their mom's jackets. Kind of like meeting Santa or something. She was so gracious and sweet to them though, I think most overcame their fear.

The guy who played Gaston was absolutely amazing as well. He really got into it and looked very much like the cartoon. Hilarious. Loved their dance with the beer mugs in the tavern. And the "Be Our Guest" number was GREAT too. I finally figured out that the "cheese graters" were laundry baskets turned upside down and painted silver, brilliant!

The whole thing was 3 hours though. I have mixed feelings, part of the reason why it took so long was they completely changed the set for every location in the play and there were 7 scenes in the first act and 6 in the second. But the set pieces they had were SO clever that it was almost worth it. Lots of rolling panels that could be flipped around, and also unfolded, plus a big wall of tri-paneled scenes that would rotate. So for the size of their stage and the number of scenes and the amount of time they had, it was pretty astounding actually.

Came home and did some bills and had a money freakout. I have enough to cover my basic bills and I'm paying G back for my online courses so we don't have to rack up too much credit card interest, but there's not much to spare at all and it's frustrating. I've definitely gotten to a point where I don't just go around buying junk every week (well, passed that point a long time ago.) but there are a few bigger things I want that I don't NEED and therefore I'm not willing to just dump on the credit card, but I don't really see being able to save up for anytime in the near future either. For example, new laptop, video camera, iPhone, colored highlights, a real blog design. None of those things are passing whims either, I've wanted them all for over a year, and in some cases much longer.

I'm certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that I could get more work if I wanted it in a matter of a few phone calls at minimum and a few months at the most. I've actually turned down a few offers lately in the name of making sure I have more time for my music. But I haven't been putting that time to much music use. Not sure what the story is there. Well, there's the theory course, I HAVE been doing that (although I'm behind right now) but that doesn't involve hands on my guitar.

I used to get such joy out of it - just feeling the vibrational transfer from the body of the guitar to my body made me feel so good, so alive. My head critic is so in the way I think, so worried about how it sounds, is it good enough, interesting enough, will people get bored, will they zone out and miss the lyrics, are the lyrics good enough or are they trite, chatter chatter chatter - I forget what it FEELS like to play the guitar.

I'll have to look for that tomorrow. Force myself to make time for it and feel it out. I might need some new strings. My dad always says putting new strings on is like getting a whole new guitar.

Anyway, the whole upset got me real moody and I didn't work on my theory homework or my blog for the radio show on Tuesday. (Which should be a really good one I'm very excited about.) Although I AM kind of waiting to hear back if there are going to be 1 or 2 people calling in first. But I'll have to just put something up tomorrow morning if I don't hear back by then. The homework is to a point where I'm both behind on this week and have a bunch of old stuff I need to correct, so it feels way overwhelming.

I'm also fairly certain that I'm having a hard time handling all of this at the moment (it's not like it's really much different any other time of the month in terms of workload or finances) because of hormones, my face is definitely predicting things. Doesn't seem fair that one has to feel ugly AND emotional all at once.

It will be very interesting to look back over this month of posts and see if I can find any greater rhythms to it, I feel like I've been mostly a downer, but it also feels really good to write, write, write and process things out - for example that thing about how the guitar FEELS came to me as I was writing it, as a result of processing, and I think it's an important revelation.

Last thing, I'm worried about some of my online friends and it's a strange thing. I ONLY know them from online, but the connections we have feel important and real, and since they are musical connections they are ones that I don't have too many of in my offline life. One guy's MySpace page disappeared completely, I'm not sure if it was from his side or MySpace's that it got taken down, but I know he has health problems (not what, but that they are bad enough he's been offline for weeks at a time). He's always come back before, but his page has never disappeared before, so I don't know what that means. The other is a girl who just found out she has MS. I *think* she pretty much supports herself through her music, so I'm not sure how that is going to affect her life. She is super spunky and positive and a fighter, so if anyone can get through it's her. But the strangest thing is since I only know these people from online, if anything happens to them where they can't get back online again, I won't have a way of finding out what happened. It's not like I can track down their mom or something like I could with my friends I know offline. Weird and beautiful world this is. Strange.