blech

yeah, so it's been forever.

I feel like crap.

and I didn't really feel like posting a bunch of "I feel like crap" posts.
Not to mention I just didn't have the energy.

I still feel like crap and have no energy, but I feel like posting. ha ha ha.

been making some headway in the Arequipe business. Tobi shared a table with us Saturday, which was great because then we only had to pay $2.50 each. phew. What we didn't sell there, G sold to friends. I even sold one of my bracelets. People don't seem to be interested in the books at all...

went to Brian & Micheala's wedding reception Saturday night. It was really good to get to hear their story and find out it wasn't ALL crazy, that they actually did put some thought into it, possibly even more than a lot of couples who spend years together. I was in such a bad space though that all my inferiority complexes came rushing in to slam me down, so after I gave M the garden flowers I brought (tied up in pretty ribbon though, and they smell GOOD), and spent some time talking to Jennie and Celeste, had 2 pieces of cake (there were different kinds! small pieces, I wanted to taste. oh crap.) G and I left the same time they did. He wouldn't come sit with me while I talked to them, so the whole time I'm worried about where he is and what he's doing, because he didn't really know anyone there and I think he felt a little under-dressed. I didn't realize it was going to be quite so fancy. sigh. glad I went for the linen pants over jeans. Anyway, yeah. It was all my own fears and insecurities talking, which is too bad for me, because it really was a great party.

I don't know how much longer I can work for my dad. It's just too hard for me, and I want to stop before I get too frustrated with being around him. He's my dad after all, and I love him, and I want to keep loving him, without some long number of years of ickiness and a hard heart inbetween.... But just thinking about it puts me in upheaval - finding a new job I won't hate, feeling like a failure for not being able to do it, helping him find someone to replace me and train them. argh. how exhausting. something has to change though, whatever it is.......