bleh

ugh of a day. Exhausted. Rushed out to a meeting that didn't happen till 2 hrs later. No breakfast, and the cafe was closed, so no chance to buy any either. That set me in even more of a panic, just the concept of it, more than actual real hunger. ugh. sick in the head.

ran around dropping off checks over lunch, so didn't have much time to make anything, PBJ and carrot sticks.

shortly after getting back, find out that D is going to India (with the new fam) to study tabla for 6 months and then moving to LA. So not only is one of my favorite co-workers leaving, he's going off to do music - My very dream! I told him how I thought he was awesome, and I didn't have the guts to do something like that, and in typical empowering fashion he said I did, and "you are what you say you are"

The thing is, he's an amazing musician, and I KNOW I am not good enough to hold my own in any type of show yet. Open mic is one thing... So even if I could talk myself into it guts-wise, I'd need quite a bit of time before I'd be ready to perform, and even then, actually making enough money to live on? And it's not like I have any sort of cushion financially to play with. And what if I tried it and found out I'm just mediocre or that I sucked, then I don't even have the dream left? And what about being a wife? or mom? I don't want to give up those either. And I like having this much money. I would love more of course, but for the first time I'm close to comfortable, and I feel pretty safe financially month to month, and I'm actually making real progress on paying off the credit card. So that's less of a burden. There's still unexpected stuff, and it still comes close and I still have to scramble and move some stuff around for a day or two before payday, but I haven't asked my parents for money for a couple of years now at least. G maybe, but I pay him back. So yeah... I'm not ready to do anything that doesn't pay at least as much as I make right now. music is not one of those things. So it's back to trying to figure out how to do both things at once - or rather, how to give MORE time to music than I currently do, because that's getting me nowhere.

Freaking mouse in the house! We did some major kitchen deep clean-up to minimize any tasty morsels, including moving a bunch of stuff out of the cupboard and into the fridge. and put out a live trap thing. ugh. It's an old house... but creepers. gives me the willies. hates it.