I am feeling quite depressed...

I am so happy for my friends going off and having amazing adventures, but I am feeling quite, quite depressed that they are leaving!!! Particularly tonight, I was expecting Nola to come over to Laurel's birthday party, so I didn't say a real and proper goodbye last night, and she's supposed to leave at 6am tomorrow. We left the party at around 11, and drove by her apartment, but the lights were all off, and her car looks ready to go, all "stuffed to the gills", so I imagine she got all packed up and was exhausted and went to bed so she really will get an early start. crap. for me. good for her. *I* would have been up ALL NIGHT. That's me, heh.

I didn't expect to feel quite so sentimental about all this, but I really did start bawling for a few minutes there when I realised I hadn't gotten in a "real" goodbye. I mean, we did all sorts of goodbying things in the past couple weeks, but I was saving something for last I guess, and I feel a little embarassed about my reaction, but woof. Can't stop the heart from feeling what it does. Funny how I never quite know how attached I am to people or things till after they are gone, or almost gone at least. Nola is someone who I am genuinely comfortable with, and is always totally easy and fun for me to be around. And she was in town. For almost 2 years. I have other friends I am genuinely comfortable with, but they live far away. Or they live in town, but no one who is currently quite so spontaneously available as Nola was. Stupid grown-up responsibilities.

I suppose that may be a little bit of what's making me so upset too. The fact that I'm a "grown-up" now, and I can't just up and leave my job for 3 months and traipse about Europe and then go off and explore living in another city. I'm not sure that I really WANT to live in another city honestly, but I wouldn't mind a bit of extended traipsing.

For some reason the word traipsing makes me think of a very glamorous woman with that shiny noir movie curled dark hair, smooth PALE skin,and enormous eyelashes, gliding around with her head thrown back a little, and impossibly long elegant draping sleeves sort of dragging along behind her. And just a touch of mischief. :)