Wasted Weekend?

I'm not quite sure, and it's not quite over yet... Only a little after 2 on Sunday. Stayed in bed till 11, then watched the final episode of the final season of Star Trek TNG, plus the special features. Cereal and yogurt to eat. Friday dinner at Regina's with work people, then catching the end of the Art Walk, some neat new art shows up, and dancing at the futon shop was good. I pretty much spent all of yesterday at home lazing about too. I did make a grocery store run in my pjs cuz we were totally out of water, but then I stayed inside and watched Star Trek for a long time, which I liked. And I spent like 3 hours chatting with various people, which I also really really liked. It was good to reconnect and stuff. So I don't regret that at all. And I went to the Wendy Waldman concert at Paradiso last night, which was awesome. But I'm bummed because I still haven't done any of the laundry or cleaning or thank you notes I thought I was going to do, didn't go to any exercise classes or the gym. I have also had a sniffly nose and been tired, so I guess you could say I was low-grade sick and resting or something too. I don't know. It's just when you live on your own and don't have a mom to do your laundry or anything, it all piles up and sucks. Plus it's freakin' freezing in our place, which has upped my crankiness factor, and I'm really scared by how bad the heating bills are going to be this winter, so it feels like I'm in for this long haul, several months of always being cold, and I f*&$ing HATE HATE HATE being cold. Seriously. And work is cold too. I hate wearing bulky sweaters and stuff too, I feel like I can't move properly in them. Spent yesterday morning baking for the main reason of turning on the oven and getting to stand over it sometimes! I didn't even really like the little cakes I ended up making, although it was fun to use the flower baking pan, and G really liked them. Not as sweet. Used whole wheat flour. But I probably really didn't need to eat them, and now there's a sink full of dirty dishes that I extra don't want to wash since it's so cold.

My chat with Megan was really good, stuff about being creative and writing and stuff. I think creative people always have to be boosting each other up because it's so easy to get lost in our own heads, and you never know how or when your stuff is going to affect someone in a positive way. I bet even if the only person you help is a friend just once, or yourself, that makes the creating worth it. Even if I have the dreams of touching as many people as possible, and as deeply as I've been touched by my idol artists, and I don't think that's ever going to happen for me, or I'm not good enough or practiced enough or whatever, that doesn't mean I should stop. It takes freakin balls to get up in front of people and give like that, which is why I admire even the strange ones at open mic, it's more than everyone else is doing...

A dialogue has been starting for me produce more creatively again, and it's good that it's moving out of my head and into conversations with other people. David has been talking about it at work, Jewel was telling me about it at the Art Walk, and then with Megs, and then the Wendy Waldman concert, and when I stayed after to listen to her talk. She's pretty amazing, been writing songs for decades, some really big hits for other stars, plus her own stuff, and being in a band and she's doing Taylor Guitar clinics too. And her show was just such a great flow of stories and jokes and self awareness and songs. Spontaneous, but fabulous, all the stuff she did and said didn't feel disjointed or out of place, it just all added to the joy of the evening and made me feel like I was really just getting to see a human being BE. She knew who she was and what she was doing, what she was good at and what she wanted to learn, a fabulous imagination and a way of telling stories so you really could see how it was. I wanted to ask her if she still had bad days, because she seemed so comfortable in her own skin (that came to me as a line/idea for a song). I think for me to keep writing songs I need to get out of my little story and into the big human story (which is mine really too).

I had wanted to get some photos ready for Collin's gallery on the Art Walk, and spent a lot of time working on them, but didn't get them to him in time because of the dinner at Regina's. and then I freakin' SAT on them because they were under the cushion of my computer chair. Broke two perfectly good frames that I never got to use. ugh.

I'm scared to start laundry because if we go out someone might put the stuff in the dryer and shrink stuff. wahh.

So I guess it's not a wasted weekend... Probably some good and deep stuff got accomplished. I'm just frustrated by some of the more material things getting put off, my soul is crying out to move beyond the talking/thinking/analyzing to create and be recognized, and my tolerance levels for myself are low because of the cold, tiredness and sniffles... argh. A constant battle for balance.

P.S. Spell checker wants to replace "freakin" with "foreskin" ha ha!