Random

This is the day to day me. This is the doubts, the confusion and complaining. This is where I don't care, where I don't censor or try. (at least not as much and not as hard)

I have all sorts of parts and pieces. I try to stay positive, but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes the frustrations need to get out somewhere.

Sometimes I just think it's all hormonal.

But I never want to invalidate the feelings. It's just the hormones make it harder to hold back what's already there.

Status update: Heather is wishing I could be less of a sponge and more of a paintbrush. Oooh! Sponge painting! Maybe?

Soaking soaking soaking up information. To what purpose? Just to get soggy and damp and lethargic and bloated? BLECH! Painting is harder than absorbing. dammit.

Floating in limbo land.

Struggling to find the right balance of structured and free time. Structure is so much easier for me when someone else imposes it. Or at least part of it.

I do get things done. Majorly updated my interview archives today. Took 4 hours. But all these other shoulds, hovering. They don't let me enjoy or celebrate the accomplishments I DO achieve. DAMMIT!

I seem to have a least a little something each day. One thing. One person. That helps. Often I try to "work" out in cafes and coffee shops, just to get out of the house, to see some humans.

I see the same people in the coffee shops. Even though I rotate coffee shops. Are we on the same schedule? Are the other shops empty, or is there a whole set of latte drinking laptop-ers I don't even know about?

I want a nice logo and design for my music blog, but I'm not sure I can afford it. Don't care enough to learn how to do it myself. There must be a happy medium somewhere? Just tweaking a template enough that it's not obviously a template, without having to overhaul everything?

Haven't gotten started on Christmas ANYTHING. This is freaking me out. Frustrating.

Highly lacking in motivation and inspiration! PISSER! I have lots of time, more than I have had in a while, and just frittering it away? But I don't really even care all that much? UGH. GROSS. LAME.

Sigh

Feeling kinda down/overwhelmed today. G is done with the trade show and is now off to Colombia till the 17th. It's such a difference knowing he's not in the next room or downstairs or something.

Feels like I've been utterly flaking out the past week. It's not entirely true, but it's definitely partially true. So hard for me when there's nothing set to actually get anything done.

Went to see Twilight in Ottumwa today with friends. Had the yummy veggie burger at Roe's and told them to hold the second burger. I ordered it before and it came with TWO burgers on one bun and that is just toooo much food, but at the time I was horrifically nervous so I ate the entire thing and felt way too full for way too long afterward. I'm still kinda full from just the one, so I'm really glad I didn't get two!

Twilight was pretty good, not as good as the book, and they compressed/changed several of the scenes/events from the book, which is to be expected for a movie I guess, but I think they still did a pretty good job of hitting on the main bits. Funny, probably the shortest amount of time between reading a book and seeing the movie for me in a long time if ever, so the book was very fresh in my mind.

Been running into things that my laptop cannot do - like video chat in Google. It's not really THAT old, but in technology land, well... 3 years is a long time I guess. Also wishing for things like a video camera, and an iPhone, but wondering, if I HAD a new laptop, or an iPhone, would the video capabilities in those things be enough for my purposes? And so again, what's the most efficient investment of financial resources?

Need to kind of sit down and figure it out really, because I have the feeling that I'd like to ask for one or two "big ticket" items for Christmas and just have people chip in for that, rather than get a bunch of little things I don't really want/need. If it was really big it could possibly even go over into Birthday as well... that's the advantage to a January birthday, not so close to Christmas that people automatically give combination presents, but close enough that if a combining is needed it works. heh.

Drool...

Don't tell my laptop. We just put iLife '08 on it and she thinks everything is cool for a couple more years...



Oh right, I'm unemployed. Good thing I just got iLife '08. And that laptops are only going to get better and cooler by the time I actually NEED to buy a new one.