Found out I didn't get a part in the play. It's ok, I'm really looking forward to watching it! and I appreciate that they told me clearly and right away. Other productions I've auditioned for have sometimes not figured it out for weeks, and then sometimes just not said anything to the people not cast, which is weird and ambiguous and frustrating. So there, clean, done, no worries, moving on. I'm not sure I would have really had time for the rehearsals anyway. Well, I would have made time, but it may have been stressful. He did say he thought I read well, and hoped to work with me in the future, which was good to hear.
The Dr visit was not what I expected. I got in there and she told me that my thyroid was normal but she thought I was right and that she was going to give me a little boost for losing weight - as in, she prescribed me pills for it! Which was confusing because when I told her last month that yes I thought I could use some help with losing weight, I meant more like moral support or something, I never thought I was asking for drugs... She asked if I'd ever taken diet pills before and I said that I had for a little bit in college (it was an herbal thing) but it made me jittery. She told me that it was like speed (?! I'm now a little confused if she meant this or if she meant the stuff I'd tried before), that I was going to do just fine with it and probably would like it a lot, that other people are really happy with the results. She listened to my breathing/heart, looked at my eyes and glanced at my right shin (?!). Said I needed to exercise 30 minutes a day but no more than 15 of weight bearing so as not to put stress on the leg joints that might accelerate arthritis, and also to keep a food & exercise journal and come in for monthly follow up visits where they will weigh and measure inches and bring that journal to get a refill of the prescription.
Whoa.
I mean seriously, just the diet and exercise journal and having to come in to get measured would surely do something. I've fluctuated a lot since I was a teenager, but I gained a LOT of weight during corporate life. I haven't gained any in the two years since, just haven't lost any, but then I haven't TRIED to lose any either.
I went and got the pills, and then realized afterward that I have all these questions and I'm a bit nervous for the side effects, that I might get addicted, that I would just gain all the weight back after going off them, etc.
G and I spent some time today reading online reviews from users who all had mixed results, including some who had experiences that verified my fears. Some loved it, some didn't find that it worked. Some had to BEG their doctors to prescribe it, and mine goes ahead when I didn't even ask. And she has a background in natural medicine. I just can't quite figure out where she stands now...
On the other hand, if they could just give me a little boost, head start, get me on the right track, that could be encouraging, right? At the moment it just seems like so daunting a task to even start. And how dangerous are the side effects compared to the side effects of being too heavy, especially the older I get? I just don't know.
Anyway, she left and had the nurse come in and take my starting measurements. The nurse was about to leave when I asked her if I could have a copy of my labs and she seemed surprised that I hadn't heard the results yet, but she went and got the paper for me. Everything was normal/fine. As usual. I should be grateful that I continue to be healthy/normal when it comes to the lab work in the past couple of years. I am!
So, today I started using a nice little journal program on my iPod that helps you count calories and exercise. I went to the pool and did 45 minutes (15 extra minutes so I could earn more calories back for dinner!) of swimming/water walking (when the kids came in and needed the deep end for swim practice) and then had 10 minutes in the hot tub. I had a small dinner and two cups of herbal tea and I am still hungry. This is going to take some getting used to. The first days are always the worst. I just want this to be permanent. I'm done. I'm tired of being this way.
I decided my words for the year were "release" and "abundance". I couldn't pick just one. Just "release" was too scary, but "abundance" on its own didn't seem powerful or motivating enough. When I participated in a Peruvian ceremony for the new year, I asked specifically that I have an abundance of sweetness in my life that would satisfy my cravings for it so that I didn't feel so compelled to literally eat things, but I wouldn't feel deprived - I would have that sweetness and satisfaction in my life in other ways. I released the heavy energy I no longer needed, asking Mother Earth to help me transform it, compost it for new harvests. So that is part of the reason I am going to give these pills a try. Maybe this is part of some divine plan, a big jump start/reset button that is coming to me NOW, rather than any time previous. I don't remember specifically asking my Dr for this kind of help, but wow, now I am remembering, did I ever ask the universe. Indeed. Yikes...
Let's see what happens. People HAVE lost weight before and kept it off. Both of my parents and one of my brothers for instance. Which should bode well for me, right?
Oh, and I start a new semester of online music classes today. I got a teacher I had previously who I really like, so that's good. I'm excited to see how much I've learned combining with the new techniques they are teaching us in this one.
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