Overdone

So... it was supposed to be 3 weeks of brunch. But the regular guy got stuck in the country he was visiting, so in total it's going to be 5 weeks! Luckily last time I split the shift, so it wasn't quite as hard. Hoping to do the same this week, or at least have someone do the cleanup part.

But coming off a weekend of double brunches, I went into a week of rehearsals/tech every night except Thurs, which I used to go up to OTM to pick up a performance dress from JCP. Which *thanktheluckystars* fit beautifully and didn't require the purchase of additional undergarments.

Shows Friday and Saturday were pretty much fun enough to make up for the hellish tech days where I remember mentioning to G at one point that I wasn't sure this was fun enough to be worth it. So glad it turned out to be super fun. Totally sold out on Sat and decided to do an encore performance on Sun night. We got about 160 people, purely through last minute word of mouth, and the show was shorter (and cheaper) because not all the artists could make it, having other things going on in their lives. I think we still put on a great show, even missing some of the big numbers. The people there really stepped up to fill in the gaps wherever they could with great energy.

But somehow after the Sunday performance, I couldn't sleep. I didn't really try. Not like I was lying in bed tossing & turning, but I frittered away a night on the internet. Slept till about noon. So I got enough sleep technically, but it wasn't good sleep. And then I was up late on Monday night too since I wasn't quite ready for sleeping due to waking up so late, but at least I got up at a decent hour today because I had my radio show. Nuts. And here I am again up pretty late. grr. I need to start writing in my journal again.

Started the caretaker job today. I think it will be good. Part time. Not too stressful or strenuous but important and useful. Going to learn a lot too I think.

I've lost 12 lbs in under a month. That's a lot in such a short time, no doubt due to the pills, although it's not uncommon for someone starting a diet to shed a lot in the first couple weeks, and they usually say a lot of that is water. 2 more lbs and I will be less than I've been in 4 or 5 years. 26 lbs and I will be at my wedding weight. I must have gained quite a lot (38 lbs?!) pretty quickly after the wedding because I remember my wedding weight and I remember my pre-diet weight but I don't really remember many of the in-between numbers. And I'd been hovering at the pre-diet weight pretty much ever since losing my full time job. So it was either pretty quick or I was totally oblivious or maybe some combo of the two. Yikes.

Yikes.

And I'm trying to remember details (I'm so bad with dates!) but I think I gained something like 50 lbs in the 3 or 4 years between finishing college and getting married. Say it was 50 in 4 years - that's 12.5 per year, or a teeny bit more than just 1 lb per month. Not something you'd really notice at that rate at first, but if you don't keep track and look for balance, all of a sudden, yeah, it adds up. Shit. Especially when you consider that thing about how women start losing muscle mass after the age of 25, and how many more calories do muscles burn just sitting down than fat does? It's a significant number - 400 a day??? I can't remember, but I get the point.

But the good news is that I didn't gain anything to speak of in the 2 years since The Job. Cutting out such a huge source of stress was hugely beneficial in that respect. This is part of what makes me hopeful that I can maintain whatever I end up getting to.

I got some birthday $ to pay a friend to help me with some cleaning/organizing. She has done a few projects that have been great - small but useful and things that I just have not gotten around to in waaaay too long. And her being here inspires me to work on stuff too - I started working on the cubby in the front entryway and got rid of a ton of stuff already! Still quite a bit more to go, and it's one of those "stuff" cupboards that is just going to fill with other stuff and will need cleaning out again in another couple of years I'm sure, but that is no reason not to clean it out as much as possible now.

It feels good to keep letting things go. It is also nice to have my friend here because I can tell her about the little things that I need to throw away but are kind of hard. Today for example, I found in the cubby a beautiful glass vase, probably handblown, that we got as a wedding present but the base broke shortly after we got it. I tried gluing it back together at least a couple of times and it just never stayed glued! So it was time to let it go. But I showed her how it was my favorite colors and explained how bummed I was that I never got to enjoy it properly before it broke. A miniscule memorial service I suppose... In any case, talking about it made it much easier to drop in the trash.

I think the physical practice of releasing the objects enforces the concept mentally and emotionally that it's ok to let emotional/energetic clutter go, that it's good to have whatever degree of "memorial service" is necessary to mourn that thing, whatever it may be, and how much lighter and relieved it feels to be done with it.

So yeah, I'm encouraged to continue, in little chunks that don't overwhelm. My friend is coming one more time tomorrow, and I asked her to come in the morning so I would get myself up! Which means that it's way, way past time for me to be in bed...