Random

This is the day to day me. This is the doubts, the confusion and complaining. This is where I don't care, where I don't censor or try. (at least not as much and not as hard)

I have all sorts of parts and pieces. I try to stay positive, but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes the frustrations need to get out somewhere.

Sometimes I just think it's all hormonal.

But I never want to invalidate the feelings. It's just the hormones make it harder to hold back what's already there.

Status update: Heather is wishing I could be less of a sponge and more of a paintbrush. Oooh! Sponge painting! Maybe?

Soaking soaking soaking up information. To what purpose? Just to get soggy and damp and lethargic and bloated? BLECH! Painting is harder than absorbing. dammit.

Floating in limbo land.

Struggling to find the right balance of structured and free time. Structure is so much easier for me when someone else imposes it. Or at least part of it.

I do get things done. Majorly updated my interview archives today. Took 4 hours. But all these other shoulds, hovering. They don't let me enjoy or celebrate the accomplishments I DO achieve. DAMMIT!

I seem to have a least a little something each day. One thing. One person. That helps. Often I try to "work" out in cafes and coffee shops, just to get out of the house, to see some humans.

I see the same people in the coffee shops. Even though I rotate coffee shops. Are we on the same schedule? Are the other shops empty, or is there a whole set of latte drinking laptop-ers I don't even know about?

I want a nice logo and design for my music blog, but I'm not sure I can afford it. Don't care enough to learn how to do it myself. There must be a happy medium somewhere? Just tweaking a template enough that it's not obviously a template, without having to overhaul everything?

Haven't gotten started on Christmas ANYTHING. This is freaking me out. Frustrating.

Highly lacking in motivation and inspiration! PISSER! I have lots of time, more than I have had in a while, and just frittering it away? But I don't really even care all that much? UGH. GROSS. LAME.

Slowly slowly

catching up on my music theory homework. It's very dry stuff that, for me, involves a LOT of counting on my fingers over and over again. At least so far everything CAN be counted on my fingers. It's the whole backwards and forwards alphabet starting from anywhere between A and G that has me spinning.

Have been wanting cookies for the past couple days, and finally gave in before getting down to the homework, but with them made I really had no excuses. Bummed there was no milk to go with them, but it's probably better as I still have a wee bit of congestion.

Had coffee and a scone at the new Paradiso branch in Everybody's today. Corrected one of my assignments from last week. Intervals. grrr. Was getting really mad because no matter how many times I checked and counted and looked on the virtual keyboard I kept getting a perfect 3rd. Except there aren't any perfect 3rds, just perfect 4ths and 5ths. It's called a major 3rd. doh!

Had to confess my utter lack of maths at work today when I was asked to total up my hours "real quick" and had to admit it would probably take me a long time and that the whole calculating hours things is one of my biggest weaknesses. sigh. Luckily the other hourly guy had a formula that we were able to pop in to the spreadsheet, drop down and it WAS real quick. woof.

Is my brain truly just not wired for this math and arithmetic stuff? It's always been hard for me, since grade school, and it hasn't really gotten any easier. I know the fundamentals of what I need to do to figure out the answers, but I can't snap calculate things. So I can always figure it out eventually, it just takes me waaay long.

But I was able to pick out a bit of the melody of "I'm Flying" from Peter Pan once I figured out it was build on ascending triads. Kind of shockingly simple, and effective - it flies up the keyboard just like the kids fly up in the air, with a couple little blips I had to rustle out by ear. So I might not have a head, but I have an ear. Or my ear is quicker than my head? And neither is great yet but neither is horrible horrible, just the ear is faster. This goes back to FEELING the guitar doesn't it?

Note To Self

Do not drink coffee (with caffeine) after lunch. Even if someone buys it for you.

You know this self. Shame on you.

In other notes:

The new iPhoto is lame when it comes to posting photos or videos to the web. Can't browse to the files. Grrrrrr. Maybe works fine if you have their iWeb site or whatevers, but for flickr and YouTube, I have to either use the uploader, or export and give the file a new name or drag the vids to the desktop, all of which is a huge bother, especially when the old iPhoto had everything all pretty and organized by dates in files and was easy and perfect and intelligent.

Also had a wee bit of a breakdown today over money, but talked it out and agreed that staying positive and being smart, resourceful and intelligent over our choices is much more productive and powerful than getting depressed, freaked out or stingy. Pointed out that while we might be making about 1/2 as much money, probably about 1/2 of our money went to fun things last year, so we won't starve, we just might not have as much fun or will have to be more conscious about it.

I wanna get my bike fixed and get a bigger basket/rack thingy for the back so I can carry more stuff. Not driving should save gas money. It's just been kinda crappy and cold the past few days. And might be for a bit longer...

My baby brother is turning 21 on Friday. Whoa.

Thinking again about all sorts of ways to earn money. All of which take time and focus. I'm sure it's possible to do several at once, but not all, and it might take some settling down of some to figure out how much time I have for the others. Should stop and think about what I really want/think would make me happiest, because it might not necessarily be the one that makes the most money per hour. Sigh.

Very Cool Coffee Art!