huh

I had an interesting day yesterday.

I made a list of things I wanted to get done, and I cranked through them. I actually managed to get nearly all of them finished. My guitar lesson didn't happen because my teacher didn't show. I guess she has a new job and we hadn't checked in about changing the time. I am not too worried about rescheduling, she's good about that, it's just a matter of finding a time that works for both of us, especially with me heading out of town for a week on Saturday afternoon. But I got a ton of stuff out in the mail, one package went out to a friend with a collection of stuff that I hadn't sent to her in years, including a thank you note from our wedding, yikes!

I dropped off some little Valentine chocolates to friends, I even did some work errands, fitting in an hour and a half where i thought maybe I wouldn't get to do anything.

I even made it to the pool for 30-40 minutes or so & got about 5 minutes in at the sauna. G got me a dozen pink roses (my favorite color) and I got him a cute balloon, but we didn't really do anything else special to celebrate Valentine's day.

The one other thing I didn't get done that was on my list was get the give-away clothes out of the house. I realized at the last minute that I could have even fulfilled that list item by at least bagging them up and bringing them to the car that night, but somehow just realizing I COULD have done that, seemed to let me off the hook for doing it.

By many accounts, I did really well yesterday, I was productive, caught up on a lot of backlog stuff. For much of the day I was feeling almost high at the prospect of spring, the sun was out, the snow was melting and the birds were chattering. But somehow on my way to the pool, I found myself really, really sad. Crying. I couldn't connect it to anything specific really. I was maybe a little bummed we didn't do anything very special for Valentine's, but I definitely didn't want to go out and eat a big meal after our crazy indulgent weekend, and we're about to go on a trip together to TX, so it seemed silly to go out anywhere with that big expense coming up, so I don't know what else I really would have wanted to do. As I gently poked around my mind and body trying to figure out the why, I also had the thought, "why is it so important to know WHY this is happening? What if you were just experiencing it and could be ok with that? Just release it and let it go. Does it really matter one way or another why as long as it gets out?"

I met with my herbalist today who said that the spring is the season of the liver, and that the liver is where we store sadness, so it may just be some of that happening. Maybe so. A lot is moving these days, a lot of energy is flowing, old stuff is leaving. I've got quite the itch to DO, it feels good when I actually get to do it. That's pretty natural for spring I think. The thaw. Literal and metaphorical. Maybe that's why we always talk about the weather. It seems trivial, but it's so connected to our life experience on so many levels...