huh

I had an interesting day yesterday.

I made a list of things I wanted to get done, and I cranked through them. I actually managed to get nearly all of them finished. My guitar lesson didn't happen because my teacher didn't show. I guess she has a new job and we hadn't checked in about changing the time. I am not too worried about rescheduling, she's good about that, it's just a matter of finding a time that works for both of us, especially with me heading out of town for a week on Saturday afternoon. But I got a ton of stuff out in the mail, one package went out to a friend with a collection of stuff that I hadn't sent to her in years, including a thank you note from our wedding, yikes!

I dropped off some little Valentine chocolates to friends, I even did some work errands, fitting in an hour and a half where i thought maybe I wouldn't get to do anything.

I even made it to the pool for 30-40 minutes or so & got about 5 minutes in at the sauna. G got me a dozen pink roses (my favorite color) and I got him a cute balloon, but we didn't really do anything else special to celebrate Valentine's day.

The one other thing I didn't get done that was on my list was get the give-away clothes out of the house. I realized at the last minute that I could have even fulfilled that list item by at least bagging them up and bringing them to the car that night, but somehow just realizing I COULD have done that, seemed to let me off the hook for doing it.

By many accounts, I did really well yesterday, I was productive, caught up on a lot of backlog stuff. For much of the day I was feeling almost high at the prospect of spring, the sun was out, the snow was melting and the birds were chattering. But somehow on my way to the pool, I found myself really, really sad. Crying. I couldn't connect it to anything specific really. I was maybe a little bummed we didn't do anything very special for Valentine's, but I definitely didn't want to go out and eat a big meal after our crazy indulgent weekend, and we're about to go on a trip together to TX, so it seemed silly to go out anywhere with that big expense coming up, so I don't know what else I really would have wanted to do. As I gently poked around my mind and body trying to figure out the why, I also had the thought, "why is it so important to know WHY this is happening? What if you were just experiencing it and could be ok with that? Just release it and let it go. Does it really matter one way or another why as long as it gets out?"

I met with my herbalist today who said that the spring is the season of the liver, and that the liver is where we store sadness, so it may just be some of that happening. Maybe so. A lot is moving these days, a lot of energy is flowing, old stuff is leaving. I've got quite the itch to DO, it feels good when I actually get to do it. That's pretty natural for spring I think. The thaw. Literal and metaphorical. Maybe that's why we always talk about the weather. It seems trivial, but it's so connected to our life experience on so many levels...

What is it about us?

Us as human beings that are so drawn to "train wrecks"?

G really wants to see the movie Untraceable. I really do NOT. Basic premise - a killer figures out how hook something up so that the more hits a website gets, the more portions of poison get fed into a victim until they die. And I guess this is on a webcam of the site that people are clicking through to. And I think one of the lines in the preview one of the FBI agents is asking in disbelief "Why are people going to the site?!" And it does seem pretty amazing that people would knowingly contribute to killing someone.

I stumbled on this article about poor Britney and it occurred to me that in some ways her life is not too far off from the movie plot. I really do feel bad for the girl...

I read about someone not clicking on any more Britney links in order to not contribute to the media mess. Seems like a good idea.

I've left you in a bit of a quandary perhaps now eh? Oh, you'll probably click the article anyway. But no more after that, right?

New Alanis!

yay! She's cool.

She just made fun of the whole Janet Jackson thing here

here's her website

Here is player with the new single Everything

I didn't know she had cut her hair! Looks cute.


My mom said it was ok for me to write sad songs... I don't really want to put more sad songs into the world, but I guess it's ok to cry if it gets it out of you. I don't want to walk around with this banner "I'm depressed!" It seems like such a cop out. but I am... depressed... The big part of me knows somewhere that "this too shall pass", and my mom says I need to be to myself what I am to my friends. But I can't pick myself up, it doesn't work that way.

Tobi came over today. Her aunt died in a car accident. She was driving herself back from giving blood, and they think she fainted... yikes. Unfortunately she was also estranged from most of the family, and hadn't had a chance to mend that. Plus the guy she hit is in the hospital, and probably most of her estate is going to have to pay for that, so if her kids want anything they will have to BUY it. That's awful. ugh. Poor Tobers. On top of the hardness of Levi dying, this too. wow. we had tea and cookies and shared travel pictures. good stuff. She wants me to help plan a "coming of age" birthday party for her. That will be a fun project. what a brave person who asks for what she wants!