huh

I had an interesting day yesterday.

I made a list of things I wanted to get done, and I cranked through them. I actually managed to get nearly all of them finished. My guitar lesson didn't happen because my teacher didn't show. I guess she has a new job and we hadn't checked in about changing the time. I am not too worried about rescheduling, she's good about that, it's just a matter of finding a time that works for both of us, especially with me heading out of town for a week on Saturday afternoon. But I got a ton of stuff out in the mail, one package went out to a friend with a collection of stuff that I hadn't sent to her in years, including a thank you note from our wedding, yikes!

I dropped off some little Valentine chocolates to friends, I even did some work errands, fitting in an hour and a half where i thought maybe I wouldn't get to do anything.

I even made it to the pool for 30-40 minutes or so & got about 5 minutes in at the sauna. G got me a dozen pink roses (my favorite color) and I got him a cute balloon, but we didn't really do anything else special to celebrate Valentine's day.

The one other thing I didn't get done that was on my list was get the give-away clothes out of the house. I realized at the last minute that I could have even fulfilled that list item by at least bagging them up and bringing them to the car that night, but somehow just realizing I COULD have done that, seemed to let me off the hook for doing it.

By many accounts, I did really well yesterday, I was productive, caught up on a lot of backlog stuff. For much of the day I was feeling almost high at the prospect of spring, the sun was out, the snow was melting and the birds were chattering. But somehow on my way to the pool, I found myself really, really sad. Crying. I couldn't connect it to anything specific really. I was maybe a little bummed we didn't do anything very special for Valentine's, but I definitely didn't want to go out and eat a big meal after our crazy indulgent weekend, and we're about to go on a trip together to TX, so it seemed silly to go out anywhere with that big expense coming up, so I don't know what else I really would have wanted to do. As I gently poked around my mind and body trying to figure out the why, I also had the thought, "why is it so important to know WHY this is happening? What if you were just experiencing it and could be ok with that? Just release it and let it go. Does it really matter one way or another why as long as it gets out?"

I met with my herbalist today who said that the spring is the season of the liver, and that the liver is where we store sadness, so it may just be some of that happening. Maybe so. A lot is moving these days, a lot of energy is flowing, old stuff is leaving. I've got quite the itch to DO, it feels good when I actually get to do it. That's pretty natural for spring I think. The thaw. Literal and metaphorical. Maybe that's why we always talk about the weather. It seems trivial, but it's so connected to our life experience on so many levels...

hrm

So the check in with the Dr went well. She reminded me of some things I already know, and she knows I know, but I don't know why I haven't been doing them. Refined a few points. I forgot to ask some questions (which always seems to happen to me in Dr offices! I just blank!) but nothing that I came away with feeling urgent about. And my cranky mood of the few days previous really lifted after. Go figure.

.5lbs and I will hit the 25lbs lost mark. That's exciting. I'm getting back clothes I haven't worn in a few years, also exciting. I sort of got rid of a bunch of stuff in the past year that I didn't really think I'd wear again, and I'm suddenly wishing I still had. Really only a few things though. I was pretty good about evaluating if I really liked the items even when they did fit, and only hanging on to stuff I actually liked.

Still have a few ups and downs, but generally better.

Thought I was going to get a raise at one of my jobs and found out that I'm already being paid at the rate they wanted to raise me to! ha! I really thought I was getting less but it must just be the stuff they have to withhold. I'm glad they thought I was worth it, and they did say they would try to bring it up later if they can.

Did find out that the money situation at my other job is actually better than I thought and everyone involved was happy about that, so good deal there.

Bought a hip-hop exercise video to try out at home. It was $9 so I figure even if I only ever do it 3 times I will have gotten my money's worth since it's $4 to go to the gym. Tried it out the other day and had fun even though I felt a bit like a doofus and the rug was slipping around. Next time I will roll up the rug, and having done the moves once, they should be easier. And in any case I broke a sweat and enjoyed myself which are really my main personal requirements for exercise these days.

I CANNOT WAIT until it's warm and dry enough to do stuff outside like walk and bike!! The time is approaching! The snow has melted and that teeny, tiny bit of green is creeping up through the dead grass.

Did some lovely work with my mom on ancestors. Learned a lot there, and we'll do more in the coming weeks.

Repotted a bunch of houseplants and they are SO happy! New leaves already!

Brother has started putting cardboard out in the garden to keep the weeds/grass from growing up, hopefully sparing us some digging/tilling headaches. We'll need to start our seeds soon!

Realizing I need to try and sort out my summer plans pretty soon here. Funds are in serious short supply and as a caretaker I don't take leaving the person who needs my help lightly! Plus since I don't have any paid vacation, when I don't work, I'm not only spending money, I'm missing out on making it. (A neglected fact that slightly tripped us up after Peru, sigh.)

Found out today a cousin in CA is getting married in May. Have known for a while that one of my best friends from college is graduating in May in Portland, which will also be the time when the other girls (who can) from that group will gather. Best friend since grade school is getting married in August and I am IN that wedding, which beautifully dovetails both time and location-wise with my trip to Song School in CO. At least 3 if not 5 of my family are going to the CO wedding. Not sure who can afford what and how long everyone can stay, and the cabins we're suggested to rent require a 4 night minimum. And then I'm staying for an extra week after that for Song School and Folks Fest. So yes, transportation, lodging, logistics, people to cover for me while I'm gone all need to be figured out. Ay yi yi.

Have a few writing projects that I volunteered for, plus homework still to catch up on. All of it at once is kind of freaking me out and leading to procrastination. argh. Nothing new, just nerve-wracking since now it's not only me who wants the things done but others as well! eek! And some of it is to promote shows coming through, people I'm sort of sponsoring/supporting and I really want the shows to be successful! And I know I'll feel so personally responsible if they're not! wahhh.

Deep breath, time to sleep.

oh crap... daylight savings. what time is it really now? yikes. I WAS doing better with bedtime for a couple days there.