Buffets

A friend of a friend made a very good analogy the other day that still has me thinking. We were at a little birthday party and someone was commenting about how Facebook was so overwhelming with all the crazy applications and everything, and this guy said "Facebook is like a buffet - some people sample everything, some people pick and choose. It doesn't mean both aren't enjoying and getting something out of it."

I thought that was brilliant, useful and very accurate. Similar to Chris Brogan's analogy that Twitter is like a cocktail party, and you shouldn't expect or try to follow and contact everyone - just drop in on the conversations that interest you and gracefully move from one to the next, knowing full well that there is a room full of people you won't even get to.

Here's my problem though, in online life AND at real buffets. I want to try everything. My powers of discrimination and saying no to things are not my strong point. So many things interest me (in life and in food), and when it comes to people, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I'm good at finding the positive side to nearly any situation, at trying to see things from another point of view, at not assuming that my way is the only way or the right way for everyone else (though I can be darn stubborn when it comes to my way being the right way for ME.) When I worked at the online art company and I had to choose a gallery of say 15 potential products that would be a good match for a client, I'd come up with 45 possibilities, manage to cut it down to maybe 30 and then beg one of my more decisive co-worker friends to weed out the extra 15 because for every piece of art I was able to say "but someone might like that because _______!" Sigh.

I have noticed and realized that the online buffet of distractions is WAY more than one could ever consume in a lifetime, let alone a single sitting, and I've even coached others who feel overwhelmed by online stuff to go in the "pick and choose" direction, but doing it for myself is another matter. I always marvel at those people who go to buffets and have just a few things on their plate, with space in-between! They probably marvel at me with all the food piled up and touching.

I think there must be a balance to it all. A way to be decisive and inclusive. Of course some situations call more for it than others. The pile of soggy broccoli in the steam bath at the buffet is not going to get it's feelings hurt if I don't eat it. A friend on Facebook MIGHT notice if I ignore one of their app invites, but more likely than not they aren't going to notice. But they WILL notice if I leave them a personal comment...

One thing I really like about the MySpace blogs and about pretty much any posting on Facebook is the ability to give a kudos or a like or thumbs up. Shows that a person was there, saw and paid attention if only for a second to what you were posting, and says "Rock on. I see you, keep doing what you're doing". It's a quick and easy way to let people know they aren't broadcasting to an empty room. It's really important to me because it seems like so many people DON'T let on that they've seen/heard/watched what people post. I see people out in real life after wondering if ANYONE was listening, and they say "Oh, I heard you a couple weeks ago on the radio!" and it always makes me feel so happy to know someone was paying attention after all the work I put in. But getting a little thumbs up does the same thing closer to the moment...

I wonder how much being decisive has to do with a person's confidence in the abundance of the universe? I think part of why I overdo it at buffets is I want to get my money's worth and I don't know when I'll get to experience this particular food again, so if something is really good, I want more in the moment. If I could be secure in the knowledge that the right food for me will always be there when I need it, and solid in the knowledge that more important than getting my money's worth is to get the proper nourishment's worth rather than overstuffing and feeling sluggish for the rest of the day, I think I'd be ahead by leaps and bounds in life.

I've been rather this way since I was a baby apparently - my mom said it was hard to get me to go to sleep because it seemed like I was always afraid of missing out on something. Right now the analogy popping to mind is the one about squeezing a handful of sand - the tighter you grip, the more slips through your fingers! How can I go through more areas of my life with open hands? How silly of me to want to hold the whole beach! I can APPRECIATE the whole beach with my eyes and mind, and intimately, immediately enjoy what's right in front of me and in my hands. The fact that there's a whole beach and bazillions of grains of sand I can't possibly get to on a grain by grain basis doesn't mean I can't appreciate the whole.

Similar tactic I've heard when going to a museum - rather than trying to see EVERYTHING and getting burnt out - go into the room, glance around at everything from the center, or make a quick pass around it all, then see where you are drawn and take time to just BE with that one piece of artwork. More joy from less volume but higher quality. Yes.

I hope solidifying this realization is the first step to living it...

True Need or Pure Joy

My friend and one of my personal heroes - finishing Med school with THREE little boys - sent out an email this morning to our group of girlfriends asking for our good intentions to help her with her affirmation that she has good people to help her with childcare. Her husband is away on a long weekend for a continuing ed program and she's feeling the strain particularly at the moment. My reply ended up being a lot longer and more introspective than I thought! (also for those of you who don't know, my Colombia travel blog is back in business for the next couple of months, you'll find more posts on there: http://heatherincolombia.blogspot.com/)

Sending you big hugs and strength and of course I will add that to my intentions for you. I do so wish I could be there but I also know this time in Colombia is valuable and healing, and it's really quite amazing to recognize just how much the last year of work took out of me. I know you probably don't FEEL like an inspiration, but please do know that you ARE, just by being exactly you, right now, as is. And I really do trust in the universe to take care of you and your beautiful family in one way or another, because you are all such good, deserving beings.

I realize now that part of the reason I was so eager to have a baby last year is I was looking for a way out of that job that didn't require me saying for myself, "I give up on this, it's not good for me anymore and I know there is something better for me out there." Because it WAS a fabulous job up until the company was bought out, and I did so love working with my friends every day until the end. It's also scary for me to claim things for myself, and easier to just take what life throws at me. I'm really good at being resourceful and fairly terrified to even try and consider what I might want if given the opportunity to choose for myself, let alone actually ask for it! Chances are, if I HAD gotten pregnant I would have still felt I had to continue with the job anyway, and would have just been the same stressed out AND pregnant. Well, I got my wish for a way out, and a chance to be more conscious about my choices.

I still do want to have a baby, and I know it's easier on the body the younger I am, but let's face it, my body isn't in the greatest shape right now, and it would probably be better for me to get a little healthier first. And I wouldn't be able to be in Colombia if I had a little one, and I do so want to know Spanish for that little one so he or she can speak with the other half of their family, and so I can both understand and participate in that conversation. So it comes back to that trust that everything is unfolding in the way it's meant to unfold.

Being here is very interesting, observing the cultural differences. These people know how to relax, they know how to play. They seem pretty comfortable with just hanging out doing nothing much. For the first few days I just slept, rested, and settled in. Sometime around a week I had the thought, "Wow, I'm so lazy, I should get a job! I need to be doing something productive!" and then I stopped and thought, "What if you just honored this time out you are taking to rest and learn for yourself? In the scope of a life 2 months isn't all that long, and it could provide you with a whole lot of strength to be productive later on."

I've also lately been reminded about something Ani DiFranco said on the bootleg album I have (Boston 11.10.06), about how she's been learning so much from the people of her new home city New Orleans. She calls it the "white person's disease" where she thinks "oh, my life is so hard, I'm so sad," etc, and meanwhile the people of New Orleans know how to transcend and write some happy, happy music. And I notice that phenomenon here, and in G. I think when how hard life could really be is so close in your face, you recognize and value what you have, and can be happy with simple things. And it scares and saddens me a little when I see those American ways of thinking creeping into the city along with the American conveniences that really do improve lives.

I wonder what it would be like to fully extract myself from that manufactured cycle that capitalism/marketing created to convince people that they lack, and will be happy if they have more? What would it be like to create and acquire things out of true need or pure joy, rather than fear and discontent?

Wow, deep thoughts for a Saturday afternoon, and inspired from a simple reaching out... I guess I never know what's in there needing to come out! Possibly also because I haven't been able to express myself much here yet, it is a little lonely.

My official classes at the University start on Monday, that'll probably be a whole other ball of wax.

I love you all so much and I'm filled with such gratitude to have each and every one of you in my life!

Once again, wishing you lots of strength and lots of help!

With a Full Heart,
Hum

What the heck kids?

It's Monday.

So this morning I slept until 10:30. Got up and played some Christmas carols note by note on my guitar until I could almost do them at singing speed. Went downstairs and made some bear mush with cashews and dried apricot bits, and a pot of my special Kismet tea from San Clemente. I think it's been at least a year since I made myself a breakfast like that. I almost cried. It's so simple, fast and nourishing, but I never had the time during the week or the energy during the weekends to even think about that. Sheesh. And then I ate it in front of the heater and just enjoyed. No checking emails or fielding phone calls or whatnot.

I can hear my brother singing downstairs. My car is half buried in snow. I have the biggest, awesome-est tree ever in the living room just waiting to be decorated. I still have half a pot of tea. I think I'm going to watch a movie...

Did I mention it's MONDAY?!